Just as Insane as I Am
by tattooedsappho
Summary: Luna tries to relax after the final battle but things don't exactly go as planned.


**Disclaimer:** All characters are copyright their respective owners; I'm not making any money or intending to harm/offend anyone.  
 **Notes:** How insane is insanity when it can recognize itself? I thought it would be fun to look at these two from each other's perspective and leave further interpretation up to the imagination. Many thanks to kiwi-kaleidoscope for her awesome beta skills! Written for Interhousefest (LJ/IJ) 2012

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The survivors wandered about the wreckage of Hogwarts looking for bodies and hoping that those they found were merely injured. The Great Hall was crowded with bodies; cold unmoving corpses shared space with battle-worn survivors, their faces streaked with tears of sadness and relief.

"It's okay you know, to feel how you do."

"What do you mean?" Ginny asked Luna, turning her head from the crook of Harry's neck, as she grieved over her brother.

"Relief. Gratefulness. You did survive; it was a horrible thing you witnessed but you made it out. Don't begrudge yourself that relief – he would be proud of you." Luna smiled, nodded to Harry and wandered off into the crowd.

"How does she do that?" Ginny asked.

"I don't know. But trust Luna to say something like that at a time like this. Seems so out of place but really, she is right. I just wish I could convince myself of that." Harry sighed, pulled Ginny close and kissed her forehead.

Luna wandered through the castle looking for Helena, wanting to express her thanks to the distant ghost for talking with Harry, but Helena was nowhere to be found. As she made her way to the Ravenclaw common room, she summoned writing supplies and penned a short note; she stuck it to the largest window with a simple spell.

"I'm not sure if you're here or not and I understand if you don't want to see me. Just know that I - all of us - appreciate your help. I hope in time I can visit with you again." Luna spoke to the room around her, confident that her message would reach its intended target.

Returning to the Great Hall, she walked past the corpses of the Death Eaters that had been moved away from those who fought against the Dark Lord. She stopped suddenly to turn and look upon the corpse of Bellatrix Lestrange; Luna drew a slow breath.

"I forgive you. And … I thank you. I know it could have been worse for me, I could have been tortured like the others, but I wasn't and I am grateful for that small kindness. Even if it wasn't intended as kindness on your part. You always seemed so full of pain. I hope you find a peace in death that you didn't know in life." Stepping sideways, Luna spun around and made her way towards the remnants of Dumbledore's Army.

The families around here were slowly making their way out of the Hall, returning to their homes or the homes of their loved ones. Luna had not seen her father since before the battle and so, not wanting him to worry for her, she made her way to the owlery to see if any of the school owls were to be found. Part of the roof was missing and it appeared that some of the birds had perished with whatever happened to destroy the roof. The owlery was empty, but as Luna turned to head back towards the castle entrance she spied a few shapes approaching from the air above the forest. Moments later three young barn owls hooted their greeting as they returned to their roosts.

"I was wondering if one of you would be willing to deliver a message for me. I know it has been a long day but I fear my father may be worrying about me and I am not sure where to find him."

The largest of the three puffed up his feathers and hooted softly, bobbing his head and shifting from foot to foot, eager to help the blonde who had so often over his two years at Hogwarts brought tasty snacks and visited just to talk with the birds.

"Thank you." Luna smiled, writing to her father that he could find her at the Leaky Cauldron and that she was safe before rolling the scroll up neatly and securing it to the owl's leg. "Bring this to Xenophilius Lovegood please." The owl hooted softly, bobbed his head, and flew off into the moonlight.

She made her way to the entrance, informed her friends of her plans and bid them farewell.. Had it been any other night, Mrs. Weasley would have insisted that Luna return to the Burrow with them; but as it was, everyone was too shaken to worry about someone who was confidently stating plans for the evening and assuring them she would be fine.

After walking to the boundary of the school grounds, Luna apparated to the back room of the Leaky Cauldron and ventured inside to find lodging. Tom greeted her with a smile, handed her the key to her room and instructed her to let him know if she wanted any food to be sent up, as the pub was still open for a few hours.

Deciding to skip food in favor of sleep, Luna took a quick bath and spelled her hair dry before slipping between the sheets and snuggling down into the comfort of a warm, clean bed.

She was walking through Hogwarts alone; the bodies had all been removed but evidence of the battle was present everywhere. The floors were strewn with debris and blood and occasionally vomit. Walls had chunks missing, tapestries were torn, suits of armor were missing pieces and some paintings were still missing their residents. Luna wandered with no destination in mind, simply observing the things around her and wondering why she felt like she was being watched. Concentrating on the Great Hall, she apparrated there and confirmed her suspicion that she was dreaming. Lucid dreams were nothing new to her and with a confident smile she began wandering about the castle once more, knowing that she could wake herself if her dream became too intense.

"Well, well, if it isn't the little blood traitor now. I was wondering when I would get a chance to talk to you." Bellatrix stepped from the shadows, twirling her finger in her hair as she smiled at Luna.

Luna tilted her head to the side and took in the sight of witch before her.

"Where's your wand Mrs. Lestrange?"

"I seem to have left that in the land of the living. Pity. But come now, surely after our little … heart to heart talk back in the Great Hall today we are on a first name basis. Am I correct … Luna? Or should I call you Miss Lovegood?" Bellatrix stepped closer to the Ravenclaw with each word until the pair were standing a mere arm's length apart.

"Okay Bellatrix. Why are you here in my dream?" Luna relaxed; it was her dream and Bellatrix was unarmed. She felt confident in her safety and was curious about where her subconscious was taking her.

"Simple: it is the only way for me to come back."

"Come back?"

"Oh, I almost left. I was planning on leaving. But then I got distracted. You see the spirit doesn't move on immediately, it lingers for a while before transitioning." Bellatrix stepped closer to Luna, invading her personal space as the blonde stood her ground. "I heard a voice, your voice, and because I stopped to listen I missed my chance. So now, now I am stuck in between. I am trapped here and I have you to thank. It seems that in order to fully transition you need to be brought through the dream realm by someone still alive. And since I don't fancy spending the rest of my time here, however long that may be, trapped in your pretty little head..." Bellatrix leaned close, her lips almost brushing Luna's ear as she lowered her voice to a whisper, "you are my ticket out."

Luna couldn't help the shiver that ran down her spine at those final words. Closing her eyes, she thought to herself, 'wake up, wake up, wake up,' but when she opened her eyes she was still – to her bemusement – dreaming.

"Oh no, this is my dream now. Well, I suppose it is still your dream, but I'm in control." Bellatrix giggled and ran her fingers down Luna's arm. "I do ever so love being in control." Quickly grasping Luna's wrist, Bellatrix spun her around and pulled her close, her arms securing her hold on the younger girl. "You thanked me for not torturing you, yet now here you are trembling in my arms. Do you think I will do so now?"

"I don't think you will torture me, I think if you were going to you would have done so already. But I do realize how dangerous you were when you were alive and I am nervous about what it is you intend to do." Luna replied calmly, in spite of the mild tremors shaking her body.

"You are indeed a strange one, aren't you my dear?"

"I never paid much attention to what others said of me. It appears you have however."

"It always helps to know your enemy. I made sure I knew mine. Loony Luna they call you, loony indeed standing in Death's Embrace and carrying on a conversation as if it were high tea."

"This is a new experience for me, at the moment I am not afraid. I shall see what happens."

Bellatrix's fingers toyed with the material of Luna's shirt, rubbing small circles on her abdomen.

"They all thought I was crazy too you know." Bellatrix rested her chin on Luna's shoulder, relaxing the tension in her arms while pulling the girl's body even closer. "Insane actually. A maniac. I wasn't always like that. But things change. I think I would have much rather been your brand of crazy, maybe I would have come though this whole ordeal alive. Of course, Andromeda is broken – her family torn away from her – and Narcissa is still married to that insolent whelp of a man – I do wish Voldemort had gotten around to killing that poor excuse for a man – so of the three of us I might have ended up with the best hand in the end."

Luna relaxed into Bellatrix's embrace; closing her eyes, she listened to the words the Death Eater was saying and all the things she was leaving unsaid.

"Maybe there is a reason my voice stopped you. Maybe we have something to learn from each other. You said yourself they think us both crazy, have you ever wondered if they are the crazy ones? They laugh at me because I look for Nargles and Wrackspurts. You were used as a tool by an uncaring master because your penchant for violence and self-indulgence would benefit him."

"You dare speak against My Lord?" Bellatrix tightened her grip, fingernails digging into the tender flesh of Luna's wrist.

"I do. He is your lord no longer. I heard how you were treated when I was in the dungeons. He pushed your buttons and you were so starved for love that you would do anything to earn a favorable word from him."

"I have no need for love."

"Everyone needs love. Love is the pulse of life which binds us all together. Every being is capable of love; every being is needy of love. I feel sorry for you, not having known love."

"Sorry for me? I have no want of your sorrow!" Bellatrix hissed.

"Don't you see? It all makes sense now!" Luna exclaimed, spinning around in Bellatrix's arms and looking her in the eye.

"Do explain."

"Love. This is about love. That's why we are so different while we should be so much more alike. Love. I'm to teach you how to love." Luna smiled as she threaded her fingers through Bellatrix's and squeezed softly.

"That is the most preposterous thing I have eve-"

Luna woke up, hands in the cold grasp of the specter of Bellatrix who was looking surprised at the turn of events.

"I think that means I am right." Luna smiled. Summoning her wand, she cast a warming spell upon the bed. "Sleep with me, your embrace was strangely calming."

"You'll just fall through me, I am a ghost after all."

"I'm sure we will manage," Luna said dreamily as Bellatrix grumbled her discontent, a quiet gasp of surprise echoing through the room as she found that while in contact with Luna she was indeed solid enough to not sink into the mattress. "See? Trust. It's actually a part of love you know. I'll tell you more in the morning."

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As always, reviews appreciated.


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